Coffee Break
by Nemainofthewater
Summary: The real reason that God's not around.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Coffee Break**

**Author: Nemainofthewater**

**Warning: crack fic. This might be considered blasphemous. Some spoilers for season 4 of Supernatural.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. It all belongs to the CW network.**

It was a beautiful day in Heaven. Well actually, it wasn't, as the Angels charged with the task of creating day and night were a bit behind schedule but, we will just keep that sentence for the sake of the story.

Back to the story then. It was a beautiful day in Heaven, and He was sitting at His desk, or at least hovering over His chair, working on the blue-prints of the new project.

It was a huge plan of the Earth, the birthplace of His new children. He had already completed most of the project, but still had to create small details in the minds of His children, such as common sense.

It was around that time when He became aware of a strange craving in his, well, I would say stomach, but as a mass of light he didn't actually have a stomach.

He stood up and announced to his first creations, A.K.A the angels, through a method that became known as the first loudspeaker:

"I must satisfy a craving. Continue constructing the fauna and flora of Earth, and I will be back in a few centuries."

He exerted His will, made appear and swept out of it dramatically.

He then strode dramatically down the newly created street to the world's first Starbucks…

…Only to have to wait a line that extended into all eternity.

He was a fair God, and an immortal one, so he shuffled to the back of the line, and prepared for a long wait.

What he didn't see was Lucifer, laughing the first "evil villain laugh", that all the others are mere shadows of, at the success of his plan.

In fact, he was so proud of it that he created Starbucks as a registered brand on Earth thousands of years later.

And so, the reason that He wasn't around was not because he abandoned his children, but because He was stuck in a queue at Starbucks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Coffee Break**

**Author: Nemainofthewater**

**Warning: crack fic. This might be considered blasphemous. Some spoilers for season 4 of Supernatural.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. It all belongs to the CW network.**

**1000 AD**

It was getting very close to the end, and He could see the coffee counter with the smell of coffee coming enticingly towards him. There were only five people in front of Him, and He was so close to receiving His coffee, He could almost taste it.

Then, the worst thing happened. The employees closed the counter down, and put a sign up.

CLOSED FOR LUNCH it read. God didn't quite groan, but he came near to it.

**1492 AD**

Finally, the employees were back, and in the spare time, he had invented a device that He liked to call a cellular Phone. With it, he could contact his Angels, and see how they were doing, and, more importantly, he could play minesweeper and solitaire.

Hold on, didn't he want to do something… Oh yes. He brought the phone to his, well we've gone over this before, and while he didn't have an actual ear, per se, (it would be difficult as he was a ball of blinding light) we'll just leave it there for the purpose of the story.

"Yes, hello Michael." He said. "Where's Lucifer? ... What do you mean he tripped and Fell? ... Well, did you remember to get the pavement fixed? … That's all right then. … I just called to remind you to put the idea of cell phones in human brains. … Yes, I think that would be good … yes, goodbye Michael."

**2000 AD**

There was only one person in front of him now, and He was, although He will of course deny it, drooling at the thought of the coffee. But how to get rid of this one person?

"Yeah, and I'd like two café lattes, one with extra milk, one with a drop of milk, extra sugar, five expressos, extra large, two with cream and sprinkles, one with no sprinkles ad low fat cream, and one with no cream, seven cappuccinos, three with extra foam…" the person rambled on, and on, and on…

"Great, let me just repeat that to make sure that you got it." The person said cheerfully.

The whole queue groaned.

**2009 AD**

God swept back into his office for the first time in millennia, to catch a lowly angel, he believed was called Zachariah, and Raphael huddled together (metaphorically speaking) and planning something. The words Winchesters, Dean and Castiel were repeated a lot.

"Hello sons," He said, "Did I miss anything?"


End file.
